You ever try to make youself think? Just decide to sit down and think for the next hour about the meaning of life or what really is in a hot dog or something like that? I didn't ever used to feel the need to set aside thinking time. It would just come to me in the most inconvient fashion when I was trying to do homework or shower or be functional in some way. I think over the last year or so, my thoughts have kinda left me. I regularly try to make myself think which just ends up with me staring at a wall willing myself to think about anything other than what's on tv or do I have enough time for a nap.

So, I sat down today to think. It wasn't my orginal intention, but I was sitting on the sofa watching the snow and reading (not homework, of course, but Nick Hornby) and put down my book to think. And nothing came. I had all the right elements: it was snowing, all my roomates are at work, some tea, and I haven't showered in two days and I have a shitload of homework I should be doing. At first it was all very pleasant, and then I got bored of trying to locate the spider that was responsible for making the web in the living room window.

Where have my thoughts gone? I guess now when i really need to think...think about grad school, about my family, my career, and what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life...I can't. I can't even plan my trip with Anne, which should be something fun.

So, when all else fails, start a blog, I guess.

I never thought I would do this. This is the girl, afterall, who rips pages out of her journal and throws them out after she writes on them for fear of someone else reading them if she were to die in some freak accident. But maybe this is something I need. If I can't think in my comfort zone on the sofa, maybe doing it here will help something.

Well, probably not, but you never know.